Thursday, April 19, 2007

A Bad Mood

When in an extremely bad mood, the following courses of action hold hope of changing the mood, or, at the very least, of providing some temporary relief.

  • Punch out the person attempting to get you to donate to the "Save the Siberian Kitten" fund. Not a little love-tap either, but a full-on, sit-you-on-your-arse belt.
  • Snatch the mobile phone off that person who is sharing their annoying conversation with everyone within a 20-metre radius. Throw that same phone down hard. On the concrete. Enjoy seeing all the little shiny plastic pieces scatter randomly.
  • Resign on the spot. Walk out. Never return. Not even to retrieve your favourite Dilbert cartoon.
  • Go to the pub. Buy the foulest-tasting rum in the largest size beer glass and get very, very dog-earred. Get thrown out at closing time.
  • Catch a train to a random destination. Like Antartica.
  • Get a permanent tattoo that has a lot of swear words on it.
  • Buy something really expensive that you've always wanted. Like a Jack Russell Terrier.
  • Go to KFC and order the largest bucket of chicken. Eat it all, discarding the bones OFF the tray and on the table. Belch loudly throughout, and visit the toilet only to vomit.
  • Eat an ice-cream. Or possibly two. At 8am.
  • Stop on the way home to purchase a 1kg bag of potato chips. Eat them while lying on the lounge watching Men Behaving Badly, all six series, beginning to end.
  • Go to a gay bar or gym and pick a fight with the muscliest bloke there.
  • Surf for porn movies at work. Play them with the volume turned way up high.

Please note I have purposely removed all those that would cause death or pregnancy to strangers. I suspect perhaps that the difference between myself and someone who is clinically depressed is that I would probably not do any of these. Probably. Not that I actually know anything about clinical depression.

Oh. I left one off the list: Write a morbidly depressing blog entry. There, that's helped, hasn't it?

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